A reason to write

Ashamed.

Ashamed, ashamed, ashamed.

After all the amazing support and affection you all offered to me before, during and after my surgery....

I don't even want to KNOW what the date of my last post was. So I'm not gonna look. I have to assume that people who are really consistent with their blogs have sponsors or something other than vanity to keep them posting.

Major holidays and life events have transpired since my last post. Here are the very limited highlights:

Gabe turned 2.

THE marathon happened.

Tommy turned 10. 

Tom & Elliott were in a musical at school. 

We did the Easter thing with dear friends whom we haven't seen since before their twins were born in October. (Failed to get a group photo, of course... d'oh!)

We spent a week in Ormond Beach (just north of Daytona), Florida with my in-laws and got to have a couple of brief visits with my brother-in-law's family on our way in and out of Orlando.

Each of those things were terrific and worthy of their own blog post or 20... but what's got me writing today is a package I got in the mail today from Another Mother Runner. Way back at the beginning of 2014, I signed up for their "Prove It" half marathon challenge. This is a fantastic (new) idea that they are going to re-new for the fall. They offer a training program and major on-line support/community, a smart phone app.... it's great. If you are a mother runner, I highly recommend giving one of their challenges a go. (They also had a 10K this time and it sounds like they are gearing up to add a full marathon challenge in the fall."Something for everyone".)

When I signed up for it, of course, 13.1 miles was breakfast for me. I figured I would have my 40 miler under my belt and hit the Big Lake Half Marathon on May 10 hard, maybe even shoot for a PR even though the hills are killer. Of course, now the thought of running 3.1 miles - let alone 13.1 - makes me weepy with nostalgia (and physical pain).

So. Back to the package. Another part of the virtual race the mother runners have set up is a very cool lifestyle tee and finisher's medal for all who participate... or in my case, all who paid/intended to participate. Most of the runners were shooting for a race this weekend or next (in coordination with Mother Day) so all of the goodies arrived in mailboxes in the last week or so.

My photography does not do this fab medal justice. It's a square of happiness! 

And great shirt, right? I can't wait to wear it. AND put that medal up with my EARNED racing bibs/medals. But for now, I have that fantastic shirt and beguiling medal hanging in the 'work out' room hoping that they will inspire me. They hang there along with my get well cards and drawings.... and those stupid tights I was wearing on the stupid day when all of this started. (February 10, case you, unlike me, have not been living and breathing and regretting that stupid, stupid day for a stupid almost-3 months now).

Perhaps you sense that I am in the Deep Blues of the Feel Bad Rainbow? Yup. I think I am just south of Self Pity and a smidgen north of Wallowing. I can tell myself "Big Picture" over and over again but I am frankly sick to freaking death of my knee hurting. I am past the point of "a little better every day" and feel like I am stuck. Big time.

So that's why you haven't heard from me. I am pissy and cranky whenever I think about my knee and I don't need to subject you to that. I believe the Hep Cats on The Social Media might hashtag this "SorryNotSorry". 

But, because I need you to know that I have not completely lost my sense of humor, I WILL subject you to this horrible selfie I took with Gabriel. We flew back from FL yesterday and since Scott sat with him on the way south, it was my turn to sit with Gabe and Scott sat with the big kids. Gabe was... let's see? How to phrase this?.... Oh, yes: HORRIBLE! He had not napped and was just so exhausted and out of sorts and THIRSTY and wanting to get out of his seat and SCRRREEEAMING for a good chunk of the trip. I was able to quell some of it through Stupid Human Tricks, iPhone apps, and Sky Mall "Find the Doggie" games... but those moments of quiet/sanity were brief and separated by long bouts of HELL ON (or just slightly off) EARTH. And then, just as we made our final descent to the airport, about 15 minutes left in on the 3+ hour flight. He fell sound asleep. This photo reveals how I felt about the situation:

I ask you: How could this dear child have caused any sort of frustration? Dig my horrifying eye bags. Far worse than usual! 

Back to reality tomorrow. I hope I am back in the groove here and can share some less grumpy sides to my recovery soon. May the Fourth Be With You.